Common misconceptions*
Forgiveness is a religious and spiritual experience.
All of the major faith traditions include forgiveness as a central value. However, forgiveness is so universal to our human experience that it plays a large role across faith traditions as well as among people who do not practice a religion.
First a person needs to apologize; then the person who was wronged can forgive him.
Forgiving is something we choose to do for our own well-being, and is not dependent on an apology from another. If we wait for apologies, we run the risk of suffering longer than necessary. It may be much easier to forgive someone who has apologized, but you can still choose to let go of thoughts of revenge and other negative feelings and move on, even if the person who hurt you is not sorry.
People who haven’t forgotten about a wrongdoing haven’t really forgiven the other person.
It is not necessary to “forgive and forget.” In fact, the process of forgiveness involves acknowledging to yourself what happened and how you feel about it. “Forgetting” about an injustice could be denying, suppressing or excusing it—which is not forgiveness. It is enough to be able to remember a wrong that was done to you and not wish harm on the person who hurt you.
All of the major faith traditions include forgiveness as a central value. However, forgiveness is so universal to our human experience that it plays a large role across faith traditions as well as among people who do not practice a religion.
First a person needs to apologize; then the person who was wronged can forgive him.
Forgiving is something we choose to do for our own well-being, and is not dependent on an apology from another. If we wait for apologies, we run the risk of suffering longer than necessary. It may be much easier to forgive someone who has apologized, but you can still choose to let go of thoughts of revenge and other negative feelings and move on, even if the person who hurt you is not sorry.
People who haven’t forgotten about a wrongdoing haven’t really forgiven the other person.
It is not necessary to “forgive and forget.” In fact, the process of forgiveness involves acknowledging to yourself what happened and how you feel about it. “Forgetting” about an injustice could be denying, suppressing or excusing it—which is not forgiveness. It is enough to be able to remember a wrong that was done to you and not wish harm on the person who hurt you.
*The How of Happiness by Sonja Lyubomirsky,Learning to Forgive May Improve Well-Being, Mayo Clinic
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